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I am all about freedom of speech, so when you comment on my writing say whatever the hell you want.

Love you all and every member of FFA!

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Sunday, April 03, 2005

I don't think I'm going to post here anymore...


Posted at 12:39 am by meandadarkroom
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Family Ties

My cousin and I are .. well.... dicussing some things. She says she's worried about my sister and me.

We finally bought a DVD player last night, so right now we're watching Hell Boy. My mom and Joe have seen it before, but I haven't.

Ugh.. I tired... and I really don't want to write right now.

Posted at 6:55 pm by meandadarkroom
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Cutting Away



ok.. so here's the scoop for everyone who might have seen stuff ... or heard something.... I don't know... but here's the short version...

-my dad and I got into another fight

-they called the cops and they brought an ambulance

-I went to St. Elizabeth's hospital

-Then I went to Ketteler (an adolescent psych ward) for cutting

-I stayed for 5 days and got back today!

-Now I'm on Lexipro and I have to talk to a couselor

-I have officially made the decision to stop cutting *Yeah go me!!!!*

okey.. well now I'm having waaaaaaayyyy too much fun with my momma! I got to drive around and my cuzin is spending the night tonight and shay has been on the phone with Rev all freaking night!!!!!! She crazy... anyways...it's okey though because...


not even kidding... they forgot to give it to me this morning...oh well...hmmmmm that's too funny....it's become a family joke now... lol... too much fun!

I got to see my Brittany today!! yeahness!!!! I'm so hyper it's not even funny...

well goodnight! I luvs ya all! *kisses*

Posted at 12:11 am by meandadarkroom
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
Not Quite There

My dad got the letter from my mom. I'll be going to see someone soon, hopefully. Unless this is just another time like before. When he says things and never does them. I really want to be able to tell someone things and not worry about whether my dad could find out. So he knows I cut. He hid every knife in the house. I have no clue where they are... probably somewhere in the garage, but I don't want to look for them. What would be the point? I already have my razors. Hidden away where no one can touch them. :D I've decided not to cut on my arm anymore.
I'm with my mom right now. Until tomorrow night when I go back to my dad's. Then I have to stay there for two weeks while my mom is in Florida. Then I stay with my mom for two weeks! Then school starts. God! Already?
I want to dye my hair hot pink. But of course my dad won't let me. Maybe if my mom gets custody of us I'll do it. That'd be great. :D
My sister has a VampireFreaks account now. Go check it out-Normally_Abnormal.
Check mine out too- Meandadarkroom and AnswersKilledMe
Ok well that's all for now. Much luvs


Posted at 6:09 pm by meandadarkroom
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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Crying for Him

Why do I torment myself because of him?
It doesn't do me anygood. It doesn't do anything.
I cried.
Really cried.
I cried so hard my head hurt before I even stopped.
My mom held me in her arms and told me that in the end he wouldn't have me.
I know.
My mom held me in her arms and told me that she loved me.
I know.
I realized, when I was in the bathroom, that he doesn't love me anymore, if he ever did.
And that I don't love him.
I used to.
I used to really love him- maybe when I was younger and I didn't quiet understand.
When I didn't say things I knew.
I loved him when he didn't hit me.
I was his Little Princess when I kept to myself.
But I don't love him anymore.
I can let go of it now.
I can let go of him.
I can go to him and not care.
I can go there and stay away from him and not care.
And that feels amazing.
I have peace.

Mom's going to write him a letter
Telling him that he needs to get me help.
I want it, but I won't tell him that.
I saw the scars on my arm
And I freaked out.
I had hurt myself.
And I cried.
I started to tell everyone goodbye.
I whispered into the shower curtain why I loved them
And that it wasn't their fault.
But now I want to cut again.
And now I don't want to.
I was explaing how badly my father had fucked me up.
How I wanted everyone to know what he did to me.
And I still do.
And hopefully
I'll be around to see their reaction to it all.
I'll be around to watch him fall.
And hopefully
He'll fall.
He'll crash.
He'll burn.
He'll bleed when I tear him apart.
And I just keep thinking about my mom
And all the promises she's made........and kept.
That this will be just like that.
Everything will be alright.
Everything will be great.
I'll be alright.
I'll be more then great.

Posted at 1:00 am by meandadarkroom
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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

We're gonna go play pool at the Pink Gallion, or however you spell it! sooo happy.. and then we're gonna eat kimchee when we get home! YUM!!!

Posted at 4:02 pm by meandadarkroom
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I haven't written in here for an extremely long time. My school blocked the website so I wasn't able to write there, and my father is against internet so we don't have internet at home. But now I'm at my mom's every other week during the summer and she has cable internet, so I can write as much as i want here.

I created a xanga to write in in the abscence of my blog. Be sure to check it out. www.xanga.com/sooneneough666. I'll probably write in it more then I will here, but I'll try and update here also as much as I can.

My parents are going back to court soon. My dad wants more child support and my mom wants us. My dad's been a  real asshole lately. I called the cops on him after he hit me about a month and a half ago, but the cops said they couldn't do anything because there weren't any marks on me. He bought me a cat two days later. He's completely black and really affectionate. The shelter had named him Shaft, supposedly from some movie. I love him to death. Then my dad and I got into another fight and my stepmom called the cops on me. She wanted to send me to detention, but they said there wasn't any evidence or something, so nothing happened. I wish they had. Shay (my sister) said she would go too if they took me. It would have been better then staying at my house. If my mom gets custody of my sister and me then we'll probably move into her boyfriend's house. He's cool. They're probably going to help me get a car and I'm applying for a job at a movie theater that's close to my house. My mom has also promised that if I don't have a car when I move in with her that I can ride the metrolink to go see my friends, since I won't be in the same school district. She's may also give my sister and me a cell phone. Mom says I can bring Shaft with me too. I hope everything works out.

My mom has a Cockatiel now. We named her Sateen from Moulin Rouge, and my sister taught her to whistle. She's great.

Don't forget to visit my website. I changed the layout and it looks awesome!

If you want to get ahold of me-
AIM- meandadarkroom and AnswersKilledMe
MSN- meandadarkroom@hotmail.com
Yahoo- meandadarkroom

Posted at 2:13 pm by meandadarkroom
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Saturday, December 20, 2003
Good moring Winter break

Well, I am offically excited for today!! It's finally break, and 5 more days until Christmas! Mom's makin' sugar cookies, while i'm just lounging down in the basement. I know, this may not sound knightly, but hey, can you blame me? I'm on my break.

In other news. Jeff and I might hang out over break, but I don't know if we can. My parents wanna meet him, and his mom wants to meet me.

Well I know that this is another short entry, but I am thinking about helpin' my mommie-kins make the cookies. ^-^

Lotza luv,

Posted at 11:31 am by Nessa
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Friday, December 19, 2003
Cool!!! I just becamse an author!!

OMG!!! I just became an author at this blogdrive thing!! that's so kewl!!! well, as you all know, that it is 6 days until Christmas, and I am so happy that i just became an author!! thanks for asking me to become an author!! THIS IS SO KEWL!!!! yeah, well have fun makin' quizzes, maybe you could make up a whole bunch of quizzes and post them on your website!! ^-^ i better go now!! i luv you!!

Posted at 6:56 pm by Nessa
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
Jason Mewes

6 more minutes and school is out!

Sorry, but I love this song.

Fuck fuck fuck
mother mother fuck
mother mother fuck fuck
motherfuck motherfuck
noiche noiche noiche
noiche noiche noiche
schmokin weed
schmokin weed
doin coke
drinkin beers
drinkin beers beers beers
rollin fatties
smokin blunts
who smokes the blunts
we smoke the blunt
rollin blunts and smokin.....

(man let me get a nickelbag)

fifteen bucks little man
put that shit in my hand
if that money doesn't show
then you owe me owe me owe

man jungle love
owee owee owe
I think I wanna know ya know ya

from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Posted at 2:24 pm by meandadarkroom
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